Believing what someone else says

Input from someone else always leads to some form of judgment by your personality. He either likes what he hears or not (even though your personality may label the conversation as neutral, business or objective). Your personality always judges, and he has become an expert in hiding the labeling process itself from you, and directly bring your awareness to the feelings that result from it. Try it yourself and notice the thought pattern that follows from a remark like "you look good" (or something like that). And same when someone else says "no, I think that what you are wearing now is a bit overdone". Also apply it to a situation where someone says something about someone else, like "he was very boring today".

This not only comes with a judgment, it is accompanied by associations taken out on all kinds of words that are used (and the feelings that accompany those labels). For example, become aware of your own series of thoughts when someone says: "she just heard that she has diabetes". And "we went to the theatre last night". Because these associations are not neutral in themselves, you will get feelings out of them too. Now this will keep your mind busy during the day!

Believing what someone is saying actually consists of accepting your own reactions as described above. You like to believe the good stuff (except when it is too good, then you will start to doubt because that is not the image you have of yourself), and this only means that you chose to use it to reestablish the validity of your own association process. You also believe the less pleasant stuff, only that leaves you with less pleasant feelings, and those you try to get rid of. When the difference with your own self image is too big, it will take quite some mental activity to think that over and over again until the tension that it caused, has disappeared. Releasing stress can be done by reacting on it, discussions within your own mind, by writing about it, talking with others etc. It does make a difference who said it to you: when someone who is close to you makes a negative remark, it will be less easy to neutralize it than when someone in the street does it. And become aware of your reactions to someone who not only makes a statement, but let that be accompanied by all kinds of evidence. Do include the interpretations you address to voice, intonation, attitude, etcetera.

Actually, your own interpretations and labels bother you. Not when these judgments have a pleasant outcome, that is "fun" for your personality, but when the same principle is now applied to him and lead to unpleasant results.

Is there an alternative? Becoming aware of this principle is a good first step. And then, when your personality starts judging other people or interprets their sayings and reactions, introduce a new thought like: I do not know what this really means.