Not being in control

When you are not in charge of a certain situation and yet you judge the things that happen as if you were, then you will no doubt experience conflict within yourself. Not only will whatever happens be likely to differ considerably from the ideal as upheld by your personality, it also seems as if someone else has a say in your life, and your personality considers this to be very unpleasant (unless he has adopted this as a desired way of living in order to be able to avoid unpleasantness since he now cannot be held responsible). For example, think about situations at work, where decisions of others affect your work. Or in your private situation, with your (ex-)husband or family.

In these situations you still have - as in every situation - at least one choice: how do you experience whatever happens. Your personality is likely to use the situation to diminish and get rid of the unpleasant feeling that accompanies his lack of being in charge as much as possible: by projecting it onto the person he blames for this, and he will speak about his guilt out loud or at least in your thoughts. Your personality will no doubt come up with interpretations like 'unpleasant', 'I would have done this differently/better', and such. Also the famous 'I will work with you because you insist on it' (and then hoping for failure), slowing down the process or the execution, or doing something with a big sigh, these are all very popular reactions. As an alternative (and when you feel like investing energy in it), your personality may even choose to oppose it all. You see, everything here aims at reclaiming as much power and control as possible for your personality, and thus diminish the amount of 'damage' to his self image.

This will not make it a pleasant experience, and it will cost you a lot of energy as well: not only do you have to call forth all this resistance within yourself, you also have to maintain it by feeding it with all kind of input, and on top of that you have to come up with all kinds of ideas to 'punish' the other persons involved for this intrusion on you, preferably without this being too obvious yet effective.

What you might want to do here, is to start with becoming aware of the process your personality got you involved in, and accepting that this is what personalities do, yet also realizing this does not mean that it is 'thus' a truth in itself. Now you have two options: still choose to make true what your personality wants you to believe (and you do know how ;-) ) or simply choose to not do this, let the situation evolve without this interference, ask for inspiration through your inner Self and then wait whether or not you feel inspired to make a contribution, remark or likewise. Furthermore, you simply see the situation at hand as a new possibility to practice this choice in awareness. Oh, and be not surprised to find that at least 98 percent of the remarks you believe you have to make, are still inspired by your personality. You may easily check this by looking for the reason for which you want to say something (helping the other person, when I do not make this remark they will not take it into account, etc. Be aware of the feeling you notice in yourself when you imagine that your are nót going to make this remark, you can hardly overlook the tension this will cause within you, and this will lead you to the real feeling that you are trying to avoid by wanting to make this remark).