Crying and comforting

Crying: it often seems so "sad". Now what is this "sad" aspect? This feeling, like every other feeling, is a reaction from your personality who, in this case, interprets a situation as bigger than itself. This may be because it feels it cannot control it, that he cannot make it work, and also feelings like overwhelming or when someone is so obviously "kind" can make tears come to your eyes. Memories on a lost partner for example. Anger can cause tears as well, as may a romantic movie.

Crying is a way (and definitely not the only one) to get rid of tensions your personality has created, that's fine. It is a very direct way, all you need is a handkerchief and, if possible, a kind and understanding listener. When your personality is allowed to interpret crying, he is likely to reason this is caused by sadness, anger etc, and from his point of view crying is an expression of powerlessness, and this he definitely does not label as "nice". In this way, crying only reinforces the idea of "sad", which is not likely to leave you very relieved afterwards. There is another way to look at crying, through the perspective of your inner Self. Seen from this point of view, each step along the way in which your personality loosens its grip in favour of your inner Self, is welcome.

You might say that each person has an individual amount of "space" he can handle as contrast between your personality and your inner Self. When an experience is bigger than this, you are likely to find yourself crying. That is indeed an expression of powerlessness, however, seen from this perspective, a very welcome one since it offers you the opportunity to choose in favour of your inner Self and at the same time get rid of the unpleasant tension that accompanied this moment of choice.

The best comfort to give someone who is crying is not so much focus on the perceived cause (the interpretation of his or her personality) or wanting to stop the crying, but to give the other personal space to express the tears and stories in any way he likes. This is not about making the mistake in interpretation real once again, only about letting them go, thus making mental space available for the inner Self. Now you yourself make sure that you do not believe these stories and reasoning to be a truth in themselves, which is your most important part in this process. You soundlessly remember for the other person that it is only an interpretation, in which he was mistaken. The crying itself will take care of a feeling of relief. And when you can take up this role yourself, it holds out new possibilities for increasing awareness for you as well. So enjoy the relieved feelings that emerge from this situation afterwards, and rest assured that both of you have now made more mental space available for your inner Selves.