Actively choose a different approach

Your personality has a certain pattern in which it reacts to whatever happens. You can learn to break through that pattern in various ways. For example, someone attacks you verbally and your personality wants to defend itself. Which possibilities do you have?

Possibility one: do whatever your personality suggests, and be aware of your thoughts and feelings during it. Watch yourself expressing the suggestions of your personality, simply from a distance. Chances are that you will remember, either at that moment or afterwards, that this did not bring you what you had hoped for, even if in the eyes of your personality you were "right", and your reaction was justified. Let it be a limitation, but it still would be wise to make sure that you will not physically attack someone in that expression.

Possibility two: be aware of yourself and your thoughts. Let everything that you would like to express, pass by in your thoughts, but do not react on them. Maybe you may want to bring your attention inward before you react, e.g. by focusing on your breathing for a little while. This will also help you to diminish the tension and anxiety. Then you choose to do nothing at all, unless you are inspired to do something. This too will cause reactions from your personality, deal with them in the same way. This way you will actively break through the vicious circle of attack and defence your personality usually entertains.

Possibility three: be aware of the input of your personality, just like in the other two options. However, now you introduce in your mind a fresh thought, aimed at absorbing the energy of the situation. Take the same example where someone has attacked you verbally: you might want to introduce the thought: " I do forgive you for seemingly attacking me.", " thank you for this teaching-learning moment.", or whatever thought will work for you.

Possibility four: draw your attention away from the situation that arouses these feelings, e.g. by focusing your attention on your breathing. That too is a way of diminishing the grip of your personality on a situation. You can choose to do this in small steps: first let your personality tell you what his points of view are, then bring your attention inward, and stay there for a little while, invite your personality again, focus your attention inward again etc. When the gap between this reaction and the ones you are familiar with becomes too big, insecurity will follow and may soon become a new source of inspiration for your personality.

Last but not least: normally your personality is the one in charge, but it is up to you to decide to no longer have it be that way. You may surrender any situation at any time to your inner Self. This may sound a bit abstract, but what it means and does for you, is that you change the intention with which you look at this situation. You might simply say: " I do not know how to deal with this, and I ask my inner Self to take over." After that, you just wait for inspiration.

The first two possibilities are kind of neutral in the way that you do not actively do something. In the first possibility you just do whatever you would normally do, and in the second one you do not express yourself at all, which also means you do not choose a different personality approach. Possibility three lets you make a choice after you have lived through the situation and your personality may start a discussion here, like "I do not want to forgive her, she is wrong! I did not ask for this! Etc. You actively choose to put energy in the new situation you want and strengthen it. And possibility four and five strengthen your contact with the inner Peace in yourself.

Your personality does want to react, because he believes that otherwise his needs are not met and his rights were violated. As true as this may be in the eyes of your personality, we now look at your overall-needs, which definitely include aspects of your inner Self.

Choose the possibility that best suits your personality's approach for the situation at hand. One is not better in itself than the other. Like this column was inspired by a mail with a question in it, a mail which could have been considered unpleasant.