Creating distance as a solution

Your personality of course welcomes people who give him pleasant experiences, and he is at least watchful with people who do not do this, or sometimes do not do this (which is everybody ;-) ). Whether an experience is pleasant or not pleasant, is determined by your personality. There is a huge amount of standards and judgements which he attempts to make true in contacts with others. An outline of this: people should
-          do what you consider nice/good/useful
-          support your personality, let you be in control
-          have you notice that they like you
-          support your ideas, be supportive to what works for you
-          do not show you have/have made/catch you while making mistakes
-          not criticize you, not have unpleasant judgements about you
-          give you what you are looking for
This is actually quite a list of standards your personality has come up with, through which he believes he could make things work for you if only they were met. However, everyday life does not work like this. So often one or more of these basic standards are not met, and then your personality faces the unpleasant feelings which result from this.

The above shows extra clear that your personality has one major goal for a contact: strengthening/maintaining himself, which is especially taken care of through the outcome of judgements being 'nice' (or as less as possible 'not nice').

In order to handle this frequent inconvenience, your personality has come up with a practical solution: create distance. To begin with, in the contact itself: there he attempts to keep the input at such a distance that an aspect which might be unpleasant, is not experienced that intense (however, same applies to the pleasant ones). This is a fast way of getting rid of or smothering the input, through not be too open, enthusiast or engaged, so that you also will have a numb outcome of the personality judgement process. This is of course frequently used in new contacts. And the more a person has a reputation with you to also bring unpleasant aspects into the contact, or simply that you cannot make a pleasant experience with this person, the more likely it is that you will attempt to keep this person at a distance.
And as second option, creating a distance literally is a good approach for your personality: pushing the other person (mentally) away, avoiding, neglecting, so that you can stop and/or avoid the experience.

Since it will always happen that others do not meet all of your personalities wish list, you will experience yourself as separated and alone more and more. The only thing you have left now is a kind of silence for your personality (since you allow almost no one to come close enough to remind you that the above list simply cannot work), and his own righteousness that it should be possible to hold on to this list and that it is not you who is the dummy that cannot make it work, but everybody else. At the same time, this is accompanied by a feeling of 'wrong' because you do understand yourself that this is not a real solution, however, you do not see how it could be done in any other way.

Your alternative can be found by letting go of your investment in the personality goal for your contacts, being that it should be 'nice' according to his standards. It is likely that you are ready for this only when you truly can no longer ignore that the approach of your personality really does not bring you anything you want. Then there is not much left for you to do but to move through the somewhat embarrassing and painful process where you face that you indeed do what is described above in many everyday situations. Understand what goal your personality attempts to make true, and remind yourself that you do not know what it really means when a contact does not go the way your personality desired. Then choose to have the goal of your contact be increasing Awareness, rather than X, your personality goal for the situation.

The good news of course is that through this you will be prepared to let go of another layer of your investment in your personality, ánd that you come a step closer to the alternative for it: the very pleasant experience of your inner Self. So besides using it for awareness, you will be pleasantly surprised by the way you experience contacts (or the absence of contact) when your goal has changed into experiencing your inner Self, which will also make you more and more willing to have your inner Self determine the goal for all your contacts.