Divorce

The decision to get a divorce can be initiated through you, in that case the process in which you come to that decision, can be easily labeled "your choice". It may not be an easy road to travel on, but you made the decision yourself, it was your initiative, and even though it may be hard on you, you know that this is what you want. This gives you a couple of steps ahead on your partner, for whom this is likely to come as more or less of a surprise. Now you already lived through a part of the undoing process and are ready to make the next step, while the other person still suffers from the initial shock of the idea of getting a divorce, and that is likely to produce an interpretation like "this is done to me". Remember that you are way ahead in the process of getting over this, this may easily make a difference of several months.

In the next period of time it is likely that both of you will strengthen your series of defence mechanisms. You are hurt, insecure, and there is some form of fear. It is also very likely that there are feelings of failure, powerlessness, jealousy, loneliness and hatred that will come to mind. Meanwhile it is expected that both of you will end your living together in a decent manner. Chances that you will succeed in that are small, because this breaking up process has become the play area of your hurt personalities.

And while your relationship has to evolve to a new level, there still is so much familiarity in your contacts, you notice emotions but now the other person is not there for you to help you deal with them. And the normal ways in which you helped each other to deal with problems no longer functions, because your interests are no longer aligned. Your emotions no longer provide a cue for the other person to stop you from experiencing them. It is likely that, to diminish the feelings of these raw emotions and your vulnerability, you have closed your mind more or less on the other person, to prevent yourself from being hurt even more in the ongoing process of splitting up and letting go, thus enabling you to "make sure your interests are looked after".

There is a lot that you can do to make a process like this to a period of inner growth for everybody involved. And you can do that by focusing on the way that you do your own part of the work that has to be done, and all the times you choose for inspiration from your inner Self. Practically seen, you could do that for example by sitting down for a while and bring your attention inward. Forgive your partner for everything you think he does to you, has done to you and is likely to do to you. And repeat this for yourself. If you wish, you can describe it to yourself in full color, or write it down before you choose to forgive both of you. Thank your partner for the love that you have experienced together, and the personal growth that you both experienced. Wish him all the best, and let him or her free. Do not demand anything from him, neither financially, nor emotionally, nothing. Have faith that you are taken care of, and do not worry in which way or by whom. That may or may not be through your ex-partner.

By releasing your partner from all your spoken and unspoken expectations, he (or she) now has a chance to breathe free again, and is no longer forced to react on you, but can react from a place within himself. He is no longer attacked, so he no longer has to defend himself. And do not worry what to say or do, business wise or on the emotional level, you will be inspired by your inner Self.

Although by now you may have made a beginning with the process of forgiving and freeing yourself and the other person, do not be surprised when your personality will come up on a regular basis with thoughts and situations in which he wants you to believe that this is a different situation, if he does not do something your interests are no longer safe, or the other person .... etc. In those moments, remind yourself of the choice that you have made. And each time that you talk to your partner, or think about him, you repeat mentally: I have forgiven you, and chose to set you free (even though you may not believe that to be true right now). You can always choose how you experience a situation, no matter what the other person says or does.

Have faith in the idea that on the level of your inner Selves this experience is seen as perfect. You are about to learn some very valuable lessons if you allow yourself to let go, from which you will benefit for the rest of your lives. That is the farewell gift of partners to each other.