The end of a relationship

Once you start a relationship, there is a subtle assumption that this relationship will not end. Should this happen anyway, then this is seen as a personal mistake. It does not matter here whether the relationship is ended with mutual agreement, a fight, rejection, moving, growing apart or dying. There is a huge element of 'wrong' in it, nurtured by the assumption of endlessness. It also does not matter whether it is a family bond, or one of love, friendship, whether the end is intense or slow, or simply disappears over time.

You could ask yourself whether the assumption of endlessness is correct in the first place, or whether the mistake starts precisely there. This idea is strengthened by the personality assumption that a relationship is a form of accepting another person, and according to personality rules, this automatically means that the end of a relationship is a form of non-accepting, of rejection.

Without the original personality interpretation a relationship is no more than a series of contacts with someone, more or less frequent and intense, for a certain period of time and in a certain period of each others lives (which you do not know beforehand). You also cannot measure the value of a relationship based on how much it meets the personality standard 'pleasant' (which also includes that the end of a relationship will deprive you of certain pleasant experiences). The value of a contact should not be measured against the relationship of which it is or is not a part, even once-in-a-lifetime contacts can contribute considerably to your life.

It is a limitation to assume that everybody you meet can make an appropriate contribution in each phase of your life. A very limited group of people may well be on your path for the rest of your life, and even there the phases and intensity of your contacts will vary. Furthermore you will simply meet a lot of people along the way which play a role in your life for a limited period, even if they have a label which assumes 'life-long', like child, parent or husband. Welcome each person into your life, you are each others 'specialists' for a certain issue or series of issues. Do whatever it is you have to do during your contact moments, and use these as much as possible for becoming aware of and sharing remembrance of your Self. Set the other person free and let go once it turns out that this phase is over, even if the end seems to be accompanied by hostility or rejection (this offers you some fine opportunities for forgiveness as a farewell gift!). You may thank each other on the level of your inner Selves for the part they played in the process of Remembrance, and the experiences you shared.

And last but not least: the physical aspect of a contact may be over, whether or not you close your mind on this person is a choice yet to make, since on the level of your inner Selves there is no complete separation. Even when the other person is no longer present in your life, you can still work on letting go of the issues that your personality blames the other person for. Sometimes it is simply too much to be asked to deal with it in the presence of the other person, whereas you may be able to work through it later, thus using your relationship still (only now without any new input) for gaining more awareness, from which you will benefit in new relationships.