Fear of commitment

Your personality knows very well that when he enters into a close relationship with another person, this contains certain consequences for him. He now has to take into consideration another person as well, and spend more time on him or her. His own familiar patterns and preferences are disturbed, at least a bit. He has to make mental space available for loving, which is a characteristic of your inner Self and outside of his immediate control. In a relationship, emotions usually play a bigger role. There is the risk of failing his own and other people's expectations, and on unpleasant experiences which he then cannot really escape, since the person who is likely to play a big role in that, now lives in the same house as himself. There is no guarantee that you were 'meant for each other'. Also, you cannot split up as easily as before when things do not go too well for a longer period of time. And it seems a limitation compared to all kinds of other options your personality believes are open to him as long as he is not officially bound.

So fear of commitment is about the interpretation of your personality about the choices he makes and the influence they are likely to have on his future and the way in which your personality labels this as a limitation of himself and the risk of unpleasant experiences and ditto feelings. And as a solution he chose to keep a certain distance to the other person in order to keep these risks within reasonable limits. Each person with fear of commitment may have made his own mix of stronger and less prominent aspects as described above, whatever it is that he believes makes him fearful of commitment is not actually interesting in itself, that you become aware of it and consciously let go of your investment in it without replacing it with something new, is more important. Realize this is one of the ways in which your personality wants to practice his own strong preference for the result 'nice' according to his own rules, and even chooses it to be more important than the experience of love and oneness.

It is a specific issue, which you can simply deal with yourself. When your personality himself has chosen fear of commitment as an option, then remind yourself regularly very consciously of the person who calls this forth in you, and become fully aware of all the thoughts your personality brings to mind at that moment. Face them in full, rather than hiding them from your awareness or justifying them. This is what it is really all about and what you were able to hide for yourself up till now. Recognize these ideas are not a truth in themselves , nor that you can know whether or not what you believe is likely to happen, will come true. And even if it were to come true, whether or not that would be a bad thing - since these are all interpretations. What is unpleasant to your personality, often is very useful for your process of increasing Awareness, simply because then you are prepared to look further than you usually do. Of course you can always practice in everyday situations where you find the other person live in front of you. The goal is not to enter into a relationship, it is about freeing yourself of everything you have put in the way of being able to enter into one. And as for the rest, you will no doubt receive new inspiration. But if you could use some help here, you may consider a BEcourse inspiration service. Also, you may want to read the columns 'when your relationship is over - more about Love' column category feelings and 'put pressure on someone' column category when things do not go the way you want.

Are you the one facing a partner with fear of commitment, then become aware of the reactions this calls forth in you yourself. Since this feels like a form of rejection because the other person does not want to enter into a deeper commitment with you, and somehow sees you as a threat. You can also ask yourself if and why you yourself are looking for a closer relationship and what you expect from that - and which role your personality plays in it, especially through seeing the other person as a bringer of certain pleasant feelings and experiences and looking for guarantees to continue this in the future. These are your own issues to work on, and you can do so in the same way as described in the first part. The BEcourses on relationships and loss may inspire you here, as well as the columns mentioned above. When you yourself free the other person from your expectations, he no longer has to 'defend' himself against you, and you will no doubt notice this makes quite a difference.