Getting annoyed

Something happens, which is not in line with the standards of your personality for good, nice, wanted or such. There also is some general standard which justifies this interpretation of your personality. For example: loud music at the party of your neighbors is not allowed. Picking your nose is not done. Children should listen to adults. Other people now have created an unpleasant situation in which you have to experience something that your personality has judged as unpleasant or unwanted.

A feeling of powerlessness is the first thing you have to face here, since your personality has not been able to prevent you from experiencing this. Previous actions (like telling this person that nose picking is not done in public) obviously did not have the effect they were supposed to have. So getting annoyed has something to do with having to face that your personality is not fully in control, at least on these issues which he has made important to himself. It can also mean, having to face that your personality can no longer hide from your awareness that other people do not or not fully take his preferences seriously (for example, the loud music).

The first reaction of your personality therefore aims at restoring a sense of control and changing the experience, usually by wanting to tell the people involved what he thinks of it, either directly or through others. However, in situations where you are irritated you often do not do this at first. There are reasons why your personality either cannot or will not speak his mind in front of the people who cause it: be it for social reasons, expected opposition, fear for physical attack, peacekeeping reasons etc.

What happens then, is that each time your personality sees the said behaviour or hears the noise or whatever, he repeats the original judgment (not allowed, wrong) and calls forth the accompanying feeling (annoyance, irritation), which is likely to be followed by some justifying thoughts on the righteousness of his own point of view. You will not be surprised to find this to be a time bomb of emotions which will explode sooner or later, either towards the person who causes the irritation, or to any other person who happens to be around at that time.

What is your alternative? The important first step is to become aware of the way in which your personality has used the situation for his own strengthening. Furthermore, you may want to introduce the alternative idea: "however, I do not know what this really means. I forgive the other person for doing this.", each time your personality repeats its original judgmental thoughts.

Or your could express your irritation, directly or towards a third person, however, be sure to add: "this has nothing to do with you or the other person, this is my own problem with my own judgments. I only tell you this in order to let off some steam, not in order to justify or change anything."

You can also ask yourself the following question: do I want to feel good, or do I want to try to control this situation as much as possible. I can feel good even in the midst of this situation, simply by letting go of the investments of my personality in it. This is a thing I can do all by myself, without being dependent on any other person.