Letting go, how do you do that?

On this site the words "letting go" are quite frequently used, but what does it mean, and what do you have to "do"? Letting go is another way of saying: become aware without actually reacting to whatever you become aware of. If you stop putting energy into something, it will lose its power, like a house will turn to pieces over time when nobody lives in it. Take a look at this example:

You are engaged in a conversation. Something the person in front of you says or does, arouses a mild irritation in you. Now what would you normally do? You will release this tension by reflecting it (easy to do with partners and children for example), or you suppress it as much as possible (e.g. because it is your boss who causes this and you believe that it is not done to express your anxiety). You live through the situation, and afterward you will try to get rid of the unpleasant feelings and energies by talking to colleagues, friends, family, to re-enact the situation and justify your reactions. There are all kinds of other ways to deal with it, like stuffing the feelings through alcohol or eating. Now this is what you call: maintaining a behavioural pattern.

But you have an option. Which starts with becoming aware of the irritation in the moment itself. Yes, you are irritated. Now it must be that your personality tries to establish the truth of certain rules and labels, which the other person does not meet. Which rules and labels is not interesting, although you will become aware of them. But irritation is not a pleasant feeling, and your personality will try to limit your experience and awareness of it. There is some kind of automatic pilot that takes care of your reactions. Do you recognize this? Remember your last fight with someone, and the attitude and arguments you used. Chances are that they were very familiar! The only thing that your personality is after, is that his rules, judgments and interpretations or whatever, are seen as truth in themselves, and that he can somehow be a victor in this situation.

And still: you are not that irritation, it is just a feeling within you. And because you are not that irritation, you can look at yourself from a little distance. You can see the irritation, and feel it, and what it does within you. That is the pattern of your personality, which can be quite embarrassing to look at, because it will not be for long before you see how childish this whole rule-judgment thing is.

If you would react to this irritation, more or less conscious, then it would strengthen your personality. Even the idea of "choosing a different approach" is acceptable for him, as long as you react and are successful. No problem for him to obey an order, that is what he is good at. So by saying: yes, I am aware of my irritation and I now choose a different approach" could well be another way of your personality to deal with it.

Now what? DO NOTHING. Simply observe the old patterns repeat themselves. And remember that there is another way to look at this situation than just through the eyes of your personality. Not only be aware of your irritation, but see how you deal with it as well. Observe yourself when swallowing your reactions because you do not want to return them to your boss, and yet see the subtle signals with which you want to punish the other and not let him or her get away with it. Notice all the things your personality will bring to mind to reassure the validity of your point of view, and how he lets you re-enact the whole situation in your mind until you are a moral victor somehow. Let it happen, and simply be aware of it. You could compare it with the way you so often can see for somebody else where things go wrong, e.g. the ideas that he or she entertains. It is a lot easier to see those things more clearly when you are not in the heat of the moment.

Do not judge yourself for this (because judgment too is a personality tool). And when your personality finally has slowed down in this matter, then bring your attention to your inner Self, and enjoy the feeling of inner Peace that it will bring you. Your personality has done what he wanted. You have chosen to let it happen, but not to strengthen it. This is for your personality something like a car that you no longer fill with gasoline: the pressure will decrease, the car will slow down, and even when you push the gas handle, less and less happens. Now for you that means: more natural space for your inner Self.

Once you find yourself in a situation like this, letting go is as far as the BE company is concerned, the thing to do. Besides that, you can of course have yourself be inspired in all kinds of ways to become more aware of your inner Self. But: the proof of the pudding is the eating, and that means that only by practicing you can really know that you have mastered the skills.

Here some more examples of things that simply disappear:
- you do not put another piece of wood on the fire and it will go out
- you no longer put energy in maintenance of your house and it will decay
- you have lost your interest for a hobby that you had when you were young
- someone who used to be very important to you, no longer comes to mind nowadays
- you used to go out till the early mornings, and you no longer do that