Loneliness, separation, feelings of not being understood

Every personality experiences loneliness, because the essence of your personality is: creating separation (see also the column on how your personality came to be). Creating a world of his own is such a specific job, that it is impossible to find another personality that agrees with you in every way, accepts you unconditionally, and supports you no matter what. There will always be cracks in the superficial layers of "fun" with which you try to hide your feelings of loneliness, being attacked and separation.

Now there are situations that increase this kind of feelings, and there are situations that diminish it, but in general it is always there. Nice people that support you tend to diminish it, and only a few people to contact or an unfriendly or hostile environment tend to increase it. But you can feel very lonely at a party for example, so there is no guarantee. And: they always depend on others or situations.

In the worldview of your personality, which is based on separation, you simply can never experience oneness. Now this is very unpleasant since separation is not your true nature, and thus it never feels "normal", there is always a hint of "wrong" or something like that. Separation can be simply described as: use every situation to reinforce differences between yourself and others or things (and blaming someone is also a form of separation). Even the tiniest bit you describe will do. Judging is an important tool from your personality for this. And since there appear to be no alternatives, you continue to find solutions within the system of separation. You will try all kinds of things, will trade one judgment for another interpretation, only without any real and lasting success. People still do not give you that feeling you are really looking for, and you find yourself stuck with a huge amount of judgments, and still experience that vague unpleasantness.

Depending on the characteristics of your personality, you will now want to avoid those unpleasant feelings: withdrawing, fleeing, numbing the feelings with alcohol, try to not hear them by loud behaviour and surroundings. It is also possible that you chose the initiative to prove yourself that you are "bad" by doing "bad" things, so you finally meet some expectations. But this does not make life any more fun, it is more an attempt to minimize the not-fun.

A solution can therefore not be found in creating new forms of separation, but in letting go of the energy you put in maintaining the mechanism that creates it. For example by becoming aware of it, and consciously choosing to stop putting energy in it. Do become aware of what is brought up by your personality, like "reason", and "feelings", but no longer consider them to be an ultimate truth, no longer discuss with them in your head. And most of all: no longer believe that that is "you" and that is all there is!

It is also possible to bring your attention directly to your inner Self now and then, as it is always there just waiting to be noticed, and giving you feelings of inner peace and warmth regardless of outer circumstances or other people. But it will also require that you undo your personality, and for that you have to become more aware of it, and chose time and time again: what will I strengthen in this situation, personality or inner Self. Not an easy job or one that is finished within a week, but very worthwhile (and I speak from experience).

Maybe this thought can comfort you: everybody has a personality, and everybody has his or her own series of patterns to undo. The one may be more extreme in the way he expresses or experiences things, but that does not make you or him any better than someone else. It somehow turns out to be what we do here: build a personality, find out that it does not bring you anything you want, and then releasing it.