Looking for safety

Your personality does not feel safe in this world. It seems like everywhere danger is lurking, there are people and situations that are not contributing to his well-being, there are all kinds of insecurities etc. Unconditional acceptance of "you" is his wish, only this is rarely found in this world. You can always find someone who agrees with you, however, it is as easy to find someone who does not, and these last people are the ones that bother you and give rise to feeling tense and unsafe. So your personality now has a fulltime job to create "something" that is as safe as possible. In order to do this, he has to be able to entertain the idea that he is somehow in control

Anything can serve this purpose: relationships and your home environment are very popular ones, closely followed by: routines, work, knowledge, attitude and behaviour etc. While you read this, the frailty of the whole concept may well dawn upon your mind: people will disappear from your life, your home is not an unconquerable isolated castle, etc.

Your personality will use simple routines to continuously check whether your world is still safe enough. Imagine the following situation: you say something to someone. Then the first thing your personality does, is to check whether you can expect some form of attack, whether that would be justified, whether the other person has any reason to blame you, and whether you should mind if he did. Would you then be able to defend yourself, how would you justify yourself, etc. Once this whole bunch of thoughts somehow gives you the idea "quite safe", you will move on quite relaxed.

You see that you already justified yourself even before it might be necessary. Should the outcome of this thought pattern be less than "quite safe", then your personality will have to either express these thoughts, or find new ways in which he can reclaim feelings of well-being. Feeling safe in this situation means for example that there are other people who share your point of view. And you can always find someone or a book that will share your point of view at least a little bit, so this technique is likely to bring you some form of relief, even though it will never bring you the pleasant feelings that you were really looking for.

The same principle applies to situations in which you do not do things that might be expected from you, when other people say things to you, for situations you find yourself in, for others who give you some unpleasant experiences, when you feel alone in a crowd, etc.

Controlling is a quite flexible idea. You may for example have the idea that you let things happen spontaneously, that you are going with the flow. Until there comes a moment where nothing happens spontaneously, or not the right things, or when some activity is forced on him, then watch the reactions of your personality. In this situation his control is focused on whether or not participating, rather than coming up with the idea for the activity.

When other people appear to find themselves in situations that seem unsafe from the outside, then your personality is likely to label this unsafe as well. Since this can happen to someone else, it can happen to him as well. Even though your personality does not have to face the intensity of feelings that someone experiences who finds himself in the middle of this situation, he still does not like having to face this, since it at least affects the "pretty picture" he made of the world. To diminish the damage this could do to his worldview, he has all kinds of sayings to offer, like "you should not let this bother you", "it is not as bad as it may seem", "it will pass", "be brave", "why not do something else instead", etc. thus at least upholding for himself the idea of a safe and controllable world, while hoping that the other person involved will use this "inspiration" to get back to normal as soon as possible.